No amount of goodwill that I have towards the filmmakers and cast of Welcome to Collinwood can spare it from the review I am about to give it. I say that, not because it is bad, nor because I think it deserves to be given an especially harsh review, but because it is disappointingly mediocre. Given just how talented those in front of and behind the camera are, one would not expect the film to be so forgettable, yet it is. Although, that is not to say it is not enjoyable, and its old-fashioned "heist-gone-wrong-hijinks" is delightfully fluffy, but forgettably so.
After attempting to steal a car, Cosimo (Luis Guzman) is caught by the police and sentenced to spend time in jail. While there, he meets an old man who tells him of the perfect heist which he himself cannot pull off because he is serving a life sentence. After hearing this, Cosimo tells his fiance Rosalind (Patricia Clarkson) to find a "Mullinski" (which, in the film, refers to a first time offender willing to take the heat for his attempted car theft) so that he can get out and pull off the heist. Rosalind talks to Toto (Michael Jeter), Basil (Andrew Davoli), Leon (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.) and Riley (William H. Macy), all of whom like the idea of the planned heist, but not the jail time. Eventually, the gang of hapless criminals come across Pero (Sam Rockwell), who takes up the task of taking the heat for Cosimo, under the condition that he is given $16,000 as compensation. Things do not go as planned and Pero is thrown in jail with Cosimo who, in a fit of rage, tells Pero the entire harebrained heist scheme. Through a set of high convoluted circumstances it is revealed that Pero will not be in jail long, as his sentence was suspended, and Cosimo has been left to rot in jail while Pero and the rest of the gang of petty crooks attempt to pull off the heist that was entrusted to Cosimo.
Did you follow all that? Really, it is okay to admit that trying to make sense of that synopsis is like trying to untangle a pair of knotted headphones. However, when the film works, this is what is so delightfully silly about the film. One won't remember the film five-minutes after watching it, but that is not to say that its silliness is not infectious. It seems the most obvious comparison to make to this film would be to Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's Eleven. Not only because they are both heist movies, but because Soderbergh acted as executive producer here, along with Ocean's Eleven star, George Clooney (who makes an amusing cameo as a wheelchair bound safecracker). Regrettably, while both films are parody heist movies from the 1950s and 60s, Welcome to Collinwood simply does not have the same charm or energy, and peters out before it ends.
Perhaps this is due to the fact that the cast, likeable though they are, are never allowed to get a handle on the material, since the script is so dull. They all give their respective roles gusto and verve, but the script throws uninteresting curve balls and story arcs that go nowhere, seemingly in an attempt to fill out the rather thin plot to feature length. For example Carmelo (Jennifer Esposito), the girl Pero is courting who lives in the apartment next to the one where the heist is meant to take place, is utterly superfluous and is there only for Pero's development rather than her own. Other arcs, including Basil falling for Leon's sister, Michelle (Gabrielle Union), go absolutely nowhere and just serve to fill out time.
One wonders how much better this would have been as a half-an-hour TV pilot, or a short film, since sibling writers and directors, Anthony and Joe Russo have had their greatest successes on television and have won an Emmy for their work on cult TV show, Arrested Development. Although, I should make it clear that the reason I believe the shortcomings of the material falls on the directors' respective shoulders and not he cast's are because, well, look at that talent on display here! Perhaps this is a bias, but when a film has this many character actors in one film, the film's shortcomings will never be because of the cast. If anything they are the ones who turn something unessential and dull into something fun; especially William H. Macy as Riley and Sam Rockwell as Pero, who are both broad, charismatic comedic actors. Although, as good as they are, Patricia Clarkson and Luis Guzman are both very underused and Michael Jeter, as Toto, the bumbling old man of the team, is amusingly melancholic. For example, a scene where the gang has to cross from one rooftop to another is perked by the fact that he is petrified of heights. As any character actor worth their salt would, he does not play it for laughs and the scene is amusing because of how seriously he plays it.
Although, regardless of the hard work put in by the cast, Welcome to Collinwood is just a damp squib of a film, which has more promise than it could deliver. Everything about it has been done before and better, and while there is fun to be had here, there is nothing to get excited about. One could sit down with a DVD copy of either Soderbergh's 2001 remake of Ocean's Eleven, or Lewis Milestone's original, which was released in 1960, and starring every member of the Brat Pack and have a better time.
5/10
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